Sometimes It Takes a Minute to Reflect
This one is a hard reflection for me. I have many old friends, and I have had the blessing of making many new friends. Yet, somehow, in the midst of all the time passed, I am not sure that I know where the old ones end and the new ones start.
** When I lived in Las Vegas, most of my friends were RIGHT THERE. No matter where I looked, there was always someone there to go to lunch with, dinner with, shopping with. I had friends at school, I had friends at work, I just had friends. Some of those friends I just KNEW would never go away, would always keep in touch, would always tell me everything.
** Now, I live in Honolulu, I have met some AMAZING people. People I have realized that love me more than I am sometimes able to admit. People that I love more than I tell them. Most importantly... I have friends who have introduced me to my VERY best friend, JESUS CHRIST. But more about that later.
** So, here I sit, not sure where my loyalties should lie. Or if I even have to chose. Yet, some of the old friends are no where to be found, friends I once was sure that would never go away. And, even more so, some of my new friends I KNOW will always be my friends in Christ, and OH MY GOODNESS, what an amazing thought!
Just for starters.... I have double the family I had a year ago. Which means, I have double the love! I also have realized that I had a lot of reflection to do about half of my own family.
** All my life I have wondered "who are my grandparents on my dad's side? What about uncle, aunts, cousins?" I am currently 24 years old, and in that amount of time, I have seen my dad's father 3 times, his brothers 1 time, his sister never, my cousins, some never, others twice. Just recently this part of my family blamed my sister and I for things that were out of our control. It made me realize that I made the right decision 7 months ago. I made the right decision longer ago than that.... I have a wonderful, loving family, without that part of my family.
** I am lucky to have in-laws that are amazing! I feel over-flowed by the love that I have recieved from them! Wow!!!!
I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I met the one that I know I will always be with, until the end of time. It may be hard to be alone when he is gone, but the time I get with him, makes me forget the time that I was without. He is my perfection.
About Having a Family:
Brandon and I have hit a few walls on our voyage to starting a family. Some have been very emotional, others have made us realize how important we are to each other. We both want a family, but we both have given it to God. When it is meant to happen, it will. Until then, we will have fun trying :)
This might be the most important part of my reflection.
** All my life I have "believed" in God, in Jesus Christ. I was brought up that way. Once I got older my belief was shaken. I was sure that there was no such thing as "believing" in something that I could not understand. I crawled back to a form of belief, which I am truly thankful for, because it brought me "back to life". Yet, I felt less fulfilled compared to when I was younger and just believed "because my mommy told me to".
** I moved to Hawaii because I got married. I was more than convinced that I would find no friends. I was destined to be alone when Brandon left for deployment. Then, my eyes were pryed open. I learned to get down on my knees. I prayed daily for strength that I knew I had to find. I prayed for help. I knew that if there was a time that I had to "believe" that it was now. I knew that Brandon was a little shaken from his faith as well. He never told me as much, I could just feel it. We "talked" about going back to a church, went once, and decided it wasn't time for us to be there. We listened to family tell us that we needed to find our "place", but we just.... didn't. Then, in an answer to my prayers, friend were literally "thrust" in front of me. I was offered more from people that I knew less than my next door neighbor (and I only knew him well enough to wave hello). Not only was offered "safety" but I was offered a "home" when I felt as though there was no "home" for me. Back to my knees I went. I prayed more and more everyday. "Thank you!" I would scream. "You answered my prayers! Why?!?!?!" I wanted to know why. I wanted to know why after so long of feeling that too many prayers were being ignored. I have an answer now: BECAUSE HE WANTED ME TO COME BACK HOME TO HIM, WITH MY HUSBAND TOO. I took the time of "safety" that I was offered and grew more in my own faith, more in my own understanding, so that I could help bring Brandon there too. Now, both Brandon and I are talking about being baptized into the Christian faith. We are reading the Bible each night together. I still pray alone, waiting for the time to suggest that we need to pray together. We will get there..... I am so FULL. I have not only found JESUS CHRISt for me, but helped Brandon too!
This is a VERY long post.... more to relfect on later.
Thank you to everyone who has been an old friend, a new friend, and a forever friend in CHRIST!